Homestead Lessons: Part 2

If you plant it, the goats will probably eat it. 

Your neighbors might assume you have St. Bernards guarding your livestock; when, in fact, you have pure white Great Pyrenees that just can’t stay out of the mud. 

It doesn’t matter how much time you spend fabricating an adorable shelter for your flock of ducks. They’ll still find a muddy spot under a scraggly bush they’d rather make into their home sweet home. 

Walking through wet compost will probably suck your boot off. 

That goat that you just knew was pregnant? She isn’t. However- the goat you absolutely didn’t want pregnant will wait until you’re not paying attention and then have triplets. 

Old hoof trimming shears might seem really dull until they fall off a fence post and stab you in the arm. Ask me how I figured this out. 

Secondhand riding lawn mowers should come with a prescription for Xanax.

Bolt cutters, drenching syringes, heated water buckets and brand new T-posts have a habit of sprouting legs and walking off on you. 

Picking cherries with a toddler on your back is a great way to end up with a bra full of sticky pits and stems in your hair. 

Hear a strange noise coming from a grass-covered hollow in the ground? Yeah, it’s bees. Don’t go look, just run. Trust me. 

If you live in a state where all classes of fireworks are legal, don’t expect to get many (or any) eggs from your chickens until at least the 6th of July. 

Ducks love to chase naked toddlers and bite their wiggly diapered butts. 

Leaving a 5 gallon bucket of raspberries alone with a 4 year old is a great way to end up with 2 gallons of berries and no more toilet paper left in the house. 

Tripod sprayers make badass sprinklers for kids… They’re also easy to ‘bump’ and soak your unsuspecting teenager. 

If you are female and weigh less than 140lbs you will be forced to buy all your Carhartt products from the kids’ section. 

Manicures are for people who don’t have gardens. 

Picking wild berries with children is like playing Russian Roulette: Poison Ivy edition. 

Michigan mosquitoes can bite you through denim and are highly adept at flying up under one’s hoodie. 

Walking through a hayfield in flip-flops will leave your feet looking like you were kickboxing a velociraptor. 


There is an indescribable contentment in providing for your family off your land, one that no amount of hammered fingers and sunburnt ears can take away. 

Nature really is the best therapy, and losing yourself in work is a great way to forget whatever pain is burning in your soul. 

There are lessons all around us if you take the time to look for them. 

All things have their cycles, and every circle will slowly turn back to its origin. Sometimes we can only wait, breathe, and let the current carry us to where we need to be.

One thought on “Homestead Lessons: Part 2

  1. …… And this is exactly why I want to homestead!!! I loved reading this. You inspired me! Your raw humor and perspective are the perfect ways to view this lifestyle because you get your hands dirty and it’s sometimes messy and hard and not always pretty, but it’s worth it!! Thank you for sharing!!! Can’t wait to read more!


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